Day 17 (May 26)

God, show me what I have done right and wrong today.
Show me how I can better live and serve your will tomorrow.
Just for today, my thoughts will be on my recovery, living and enjoying life without the use of drugs.

Am I clean today? yes
How have I acted differently? I worked at being comfortable as me.
Did my disease run my life today? If so, how? boy. Obsessing on why he hasn’t called
What did I do today that I wish I had not done?just worried. I don’t want to feel
What have I left undone that I wish I had done? usual chores
Was I good to myself today? How? yes, I exercised and went to beach
Was today a good day? yes
Was I happy? at times
Was I serene? on the beach

Just for today, I will have faith in someone in NA who believes in me and wants to help me in my recovery.

Did I talk to my sponsor today? FB only
Did I attend a meeting today? If yes, where? no
Did I share my experiences, strengths and hopes? not really
Who are the people in my life that I trust today? same as always
Who has trust in me today? same as always

Just for today, I will have a program. I will try to follow it to the best of my ability.

Did I read from our literature today? yes
What steps did I consciously work? 123671011
Did I admit my powerlessness today? yes
Was I able to put my trust in my Higher Power today? yes
What did I learn about myself today? I am still sick. I still have a busted picker
Did I make any amends today? no
Do I owe any? no
Did I admit fault to anyone today? probably
Did I worry about yesterday or tomorrow? yes
Can I accept myself as I am today? yes

Just for today, through NA, I will try to get a better perspective on my life.

Did I feel like I was a part of humanity today? yes
Did I allow myself to become obsessed by anything today? yes. Guess?
What has God given me to be grateful for today? health, kid, beach
Have I done anything to cause harm to myself or to another today? If so, what? food
Am I willing to change today? yes
Did I pray or meditate today? yes, briefly
How did this affect my life? not enough
What spiritual principles have I been able to practice in my life today? faith, hope, compassion, honesty
Was the most important thing in my life today staying clean? Getting things done

Just for today, I will be unafraid. My thoughts will be on my new associations, people who are not using and have found a new way of life. So long as I follow that way, I have nothing to fear.

Have I given of myself today without expecting anything in return? Yes
Was there fear in my life today? Yes
Did I feel intense joy or pain? Yes, loneliness
Did I call or visit someone in the program today? Yes
Did I pray for the well-being of another today? Yes
Was I happy today? At times
Have I been peaceful today? at times
Did I consciously remember that I have a choice today? No.

Day 16 (May 25)

God, show me what I have done right and wrong today.
Show me how I can better live and serve your will tomorrow.
Just for today, my thoughts will be on my recovery, living and enjoying life without the use of drugs.

Am I clean today? yes
How have I acted differently? I took care of what I needed to. I was present in the day.
Did my disease run my life today? If so, how? A little obsessive
What did I do today that I wish I had not done? Touch Maryam’s hair. She didn’t like that.
What have I left undone that I wish I had done? Exams
Was I good to myself today? How? Yes. Me time.
Was today a good day? Yes
Was I happy? Yes
Was I serene? totally

Just for today, I will have faith in someone in NA who believes in me and wants to help me in my recovery.

Did I talk to my sponsor today? I read her posts.
Did I attend a meeting today? If yes, where? no
Did I share my experiences, strengths and hopes? yes
Who are the people in my life that I trust today? same as always
Who has trust in me today? probably the same people as yesterday.

Just for today, I will have a program. I will try to follow it to the best of my ability.

Did I read from our literature today? yes
What steps did I consciously work? 123910
Did I admit my powerlessness today? Not consciously
Was I able to put my trust in my Higher Power today? yes
What did I learn about myself today?I can be straight-forward
Did I make any amends today?yes
Do I owe any?yes
Did I admit fault to anyone today? yes
Did I worry about yesterday or tomorrow? yes
Can I accept myself as I am today? yes and no

Just for today, through NA, I will try to get a better perspective on my life.

Did I feel like I was a part of humanity today? yes
Did I allow myself to become obsessed by anything today? yes
What has God given me to be grateful for today? my kid
Have I done anything to cause harm to myself or to another today? If so, what? no
Am I willing to change today? yes
Did I pray or meditate today? no
How did this affect my life? self-centered
What spiritual principles have I been able to practice in my life today? acceptance, willingness, honesty, love, compassion
Was the most important thing in my life today staying clean? No

Just for today, I will be unafraid. My thoughts will be on my new associations, people who are not using and have found a new way of life. So long as I follow that way, I have nothing to fear.

Have I given of myself today without expecting anything in return? yes
Was there fear in my life today? a little
Did I feel intense joy or pain? no
Did I call or visit someone in the program today? yes
Did I pray for the well-being of another today? yes
Was I happy today? yes
Have I been peaceful today? yes
Did I consciously remember that I have a choice today? I thought about this question. So, I did.

Day 15 (May 24) My birthday

Another year. My friend summed up so many things I did this past year, including:

losing weight

adding running miles

quitting smoking

being of service in NA

saving a flamingo

and a motherless kitten (this she calls a small miracle)

The greatest thing I did this past year was be a mother and love my child unconditionally.

God, show me what I have done right and wrong today.

Show me how I can better live and serve your will tomorrow.

Just for today, my thoughts will be on my recovery, living and enjoying life without the use of drugs.

Am I clean today? yes

How have I acted differently? well, I acted out on boy

Did my disease run my life today? If so, how? obsessive compulsive behavior

What did I do today that I wish I had not done? allowed my desires to run my life

What have I left undone that I wish I had done? grading, actually, no I didn’t want to grade my exams.

Was I good to myself today? How? yes. took care of business.

Was today a good day? VERY GOOD

Was I happy? YES

Was I serene? AT TIMES

Just for today, I will have faith in someone in NA who believes in me and wants to help me in my recovery.

Did I talk to my sponsor today? YES ON FB

Did I attend a meeting today? If yes, where? YES. DAIYA

Did I share my experiences, strengths and hopes? YES

Who are the people in my life that I trust today? MY GIRLY FRIENDS

Who has trust in me today? MY GIRLY FRIENDS. THIS IS IMPORTANT…

Just for today, I will have a program. I will try to follow it to the best of my ability.

Did I read from our literature today? YES

What steps did I consciously work? 123 6666666 791012

Did I admit my powerlessness today? NOT OVER BOY

Was I able to put my trust in my Higher Power today? NOT COMPLETELY

What did I learn about myself today? I HAVE A LOT OF WORK TO DO AROUND RELATIONSHIPS

Did I make any amends today? YES

Do I owe any? YES

Did I admit fault to anyone today? ALWAYS

Did I worry about yesterday or tomorrow? ALWAYS

Can I accept myself as I am today? PARTS

Just for today, through NA, I will try to get a better perspective on my life.

Did I feel like I was a part of humanity today? YES

Did I allow myself to become obsessed by anything today? YES…BOY…STUDENTS CHEATING

What has God given me to be grateful for today? SO MANY AMAZING FRIENDS. MY FAMILY

Have I done anything to cause harm to myself or to another today? If so, what? YES. JEOPARDIZED BOY’S RECOVERY PERHAPS.

Am I willing to change today? YES

Did I pray or meditate today? I THINK I TRIED.

How did this affect my life? I NEED TO FOCUS ON THIS. I WONDER IF 11 FOLLOWS 10 BECAUSE WE REALIZE AFTER WORKING 10 THAT WE NEED THAT DEEP SPIRITUALITY THAT COMES THRU PRAYER AND MEDITATION IN ORDER TO PRACTICE THESE PRINCIPLES DAILY.

What spiritual principles have I been able to practice in my life today? HONESTY, LOVE, COMPASSION, UNDERSTANDING, HOPE, COURAGE, DISCIPLINE. (IS THE LATTER AN S.P.?)

Was the most important thing in my life today staying clean? NO. IT WAS ABOUT HAVING FUN.

Just for today, I will be unafraid. My thoughts will be on my new associations, people who are not using and have found a new way of life. So long as I follow that way, I have nothing to fear.

Have I given of myself today without expecting anything in return? YES

Was there fear in my life today? YES

Did I feel intense joy or pain? YES

Did I call or visit someone in the program today? YES

Did I pray for the well-being of another today? I WILL

Was I happy today? YES

Have I been peaceful today? AT TIMES

Did I consciously remember that I have a choice today? I DO HAVE A CHOICE. I SHARED ABOUT THIS QUESTION AND THE ONE ABOUT THE IMPORTANCE OF STAYING CLEAN IN THE MEETING. THAT THE QUESTIONS BOGGLE ME. MAYBE THAT WILL CLEAR MY HEAD AROUND THEM AND I CAN GET SOME INSIGHT INTO THEIR DEEPER MEANING. I ALSO TRIED TO REMEMBER THESE QUESTIONS EARLIER IN THE DAY. I THINK BEING AWARE OF THEM AS IMPORTANT QUESTIONS AT THE BEGINNING OF THE DAY MIGHT OR WILL HELP ME TO BE BETTER FOCUSED DURING MY DAY. THAT NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, MY LIFE IS NOT ABOUT USING, IT IS IMPORTANT TO BE CLEAN (AND WHAT IT MEANS TO BE CLEAN) AND THAT I HAVE A CHOICE, IN ALL MATTERS, AS LONG AS I AM CLEAN.

PERHAPS I MAY BE HAVING A SPIRITUAL AWAKENING.

Day 14 (May 23)

God, show me what I have done right and wrong today.

Show me how I can better live and serve your will tomorrow.

Just for today, my thoughts will be on my recovery, living and enjoying life without the use of drugs.

Am I clean today? YES

How have I acted differently? WELL, I REMAINED CALM. I WENT TO THE GYM. AARGH. I WAS NICE TO PEOPLE, GENERALLY.

Did my disease run my life today? If so, how? JUST WITH BOY.

What did I do today that I wish I had not done? STAYED UP THIS LATE. TOOK THAT LONG NAP. ATE THAT CRAP.

What have I left undone that I wish I had done? GOT MOST OF MY STUFF DONE.

Was I good to myself today? How? YES. GYM, BEACH!

Was today a good day? YES.

Was I happy? YES.

Was I serene? YES.

Just for today, I will have faith in someone in NA who believes in me and wants to help me in my recovery.

Did I talk to my sponsor today? FB

Did I attend a meeting today? If yes, where? NO

Did I share my experiences, strengths and hopes? YES

Who are the people in my life that I trust today? JILL KAHNERT (: PAOLA, MARYAM

Who has trust in me today? A LOT OF PEOPLE IN THE FELLOWSHIP.

Just for today, I will have a program. I will try to follow it to the best of my ability.

Did I read from our literature today? YES.

What steps did I consciously work? 1237101112

Did I admit my powerlessness today? OVER EVERYTHING? NO.

Was I able to put my trust in my Higher Power today? YES. IN THE UNIVERSE

What did I learn about myself today? POSITIVE THINKING IS OK AFTER ALL.

Did I make any amends today? NO.

Do I owe any? NOT THAT I KNOW OF.

Did I admit fault to anyone today? I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING WRONG.

Did I worry about yesterday or tomorrow? NOT REALLY. WOW!

Can I accept myself as I am today? PARTS.

Just for today, through NA, I will try to get a better perspective on my life.

Did I feel like I was a part of humanity today? YES.

Did I allow myself to become obsessed by anything today? BOY. THIS IS BECAUSE, I HAVE SLOWLY REALIZED (REMEMBER, I AM SLOW) THAT I AM NOT GIVING THIS UP TO GOD. I DON’T WANT TO LOSE HIM AND THE ATTENTION AND THE FEEL GOOD. I DON’T WANT TO LOSE THE FANTASY THAT I HAVE BUILT UP AROUND HIM. AND I THINK IF I PRAY FOR GOD’S WILL, I’LL SEE THE REALITY AND IT WON’T BE WHAT I WANT. ME ME ME,

What has God given me to be grateful for today? OH MY GOD! SO MUCH.

Have I done anything to cause harm to myself or to another today? If so, what? THAT PASTA I JUST ATE MAY HAVE GIVEN ME ATHEROSCLEROSIS. TOO MUCH OIL. MY DRIVING WAS SHITTY TOO.

Am I willing to change today? YES.

Did I pray or meditate today? NO.

How did this affect my life? SELF-WILL RUN RIOT.

What spiritual principles have I been able to practice in my life today? FAITH AND HOPE! HOPE! HOPE! POSITIVITY.

Was the most important thing in my life today staying clean? NO. BUT…GEEZ THIS QUESTION BOTHERS ME.

 

Just for today, I will be unafraid. My thoughts will be on my new associations, people who are not using and have found a new way of life. So long as I follow that way, I have nothing to fear.

Have I given of myself today without expecting anything in return? YES.

Was there fear in my life today? NO.

Did I feel intense joy or pain? NO.

Did I call or visit someone in the program today? YES.

Did I pray for the well-being of another today? I WILL.

Was I happy today? YES.

Have I been peaceful today? TOTALLY

Did I consciously remember that I have a choice today? I HAVE A CHOICE…I SHOULD APPLY THIS QUESTION TO FOOD CHOICES. I HAVE A CHOICE WHETHER OR NOT TO EAT THE CRAP IN FRONT OF ME.

 

 

Day 13 (May 22)

OK, this is a little late, I admit. But better late than never.

God, show me what I have done right and wrong today.

Show me how I can better live and serve your will tomorrow.

Just for today, my thoughts will be on my recovery, living and enjoying life without the use of drugs.

Am I clean today? YES

How have I acted differently? I WAS STRAIGHT FORWARD ABOUT MY NEEDS.

Did my disease run my life today? If so, how? BOY, WORRY

What did I do today that I wish I had not done? SLEPT TOO LONG, DRANK TOO MUCH COFFEE, FORGOT JADEN’S HW, DIDN’T DO MY HW

What have I left undone that I wish I had done? SEE ABOVE

Was I good to myself today? How? YES. FRIENDS, MEETING, FUN

Was today a good day? YES

Was I happy? YES

Was I serene? YES

Just for today, I will have faith in someone in NA who believes in me and wants to help me in my recovery.

Did I talk to my sponsor today? NO, BUT I LIKED HER POSTS ON FB. DOES THAT COUNT?

Did I attend a meeting today? If yes, where? YES. HOME GROUP

Did I share my experiences, strengths and hopes? YES

Who are the people in my life that I trust today? SAME ONES. I’M REALIZING THAT I AM NOT AS TRUSTING AS I THOUGHT I WAS. I USED TO BE OVER TRUSTING, OF THE WRONG PEOPLE. AT LEAST I WAS ACCUSED OF THIS WHEN I WAS 14, BY A THERAPIST.

Who has trust in me today? I THINK A LOT OF THE PEOPLE IN THE MEETING DO.

Just for today, I will have a program. I will try to follow it to the best of my ability.

Did I read from our literature today? YES

What steps did I consciously work? 1237101112

Did I admit my powerlessness today? YES

Was I able to put my trust in my Higher Power today? SOME OF THE TIME

What did I learn about myself today? I AM STILL RECOVERING.

Did I make any amends today? NO

Do I owe any? NO

Did I admit fault to anyone today? ALWAYS

Did I worry about yesterday or tomorrow? ALWAYS

Can I accept myself as I am today? PARTS

Just for today, through NA, I will try to get a better perspective on my life.

Did I feel like I was a part of humanity today? YES

Did I allow myself to become obsessed by anything today? BOY, WORK ISSUES

What has God given me to be grateful for today? SO MANY THINGS…

Have I done anything to cause harm to myself or to another today? If so, what? NOT REALLY

Am I willing to change today? YES, PLEASE TAKE MY DEFECTS

Did I pray or meditate today? NOT FORMALLY

How did this affect my life? I AM NOT A TOTALLY SPIRITUAL PERSON. I AM HAVING SOMETHING OF AN AWAKENING

What spiritual principles have I been able to practice in my life today? HONESTY, SOME FAITH, PATIENCE, GRATITUDE.

Was the most important thing in my life today staying clean? THIS QUESTION BUGS ME. AM I SUPPOSE TO WAKE UP AND SAY, THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS STAYING CLEAN? I MEAN, AT THIS POINT IN MY LIFE, I DON’T THINK ABOUT USING. IT ISN’T A STRUGGLE OR AN ISSUE I DEAL WITH DAILY. I AM CLEAN. IT IS A PART OF WHO I AM. SHOULD I FEEL BAD THAT I DON’T WAKE UP AND THINK, “TODAY, I MUST STAY CLEAN?”

Just for today, I will be unafraid. My thoughts will be on my new associations, people who are not using and have found a new way of life. So long as I follow that way, I have nothing to fear.

Have I given of myself today without expecting anything in return? YES.

Was there fear in my life today? ALWAYS. DEALING WITH MY KUWAIT RESIDENCY. IT WAS NOT MY FAULT THAT MY ID WASN’T READY.

Did I feel intense joy or pain? NO

Did I call or visit someone in the program today? YES

Did I pray for the well-being of another today? I THINK I DID

Was I happy today? FOR THE MOST PART. BUT I THINK MY HAPPINESS AT THIS TIME IS BASED ON WHETHER OR NOT I AM GETTING ON GOOD WITH THE BOY. IT’S LIKE IF HE GIVES ME ATTENTION, THEN I FEEL GOOD AND HAPPY. THIS IS SUPER OLD BEHAVIOR.

Have I been peaceful today? AT TIMES

Did I consciously remember that I have a choice today? AGAIN, THIS QUESTION? I AM CLEAN.

 

 

Day 12 (May 21)

God, show me what I have done right and wrong today.
Show me how I can better live and serve your will tomorrow.
Just for today, my thoughts will be on my recovery, living and enjoying life without the use of drugs.

Am I clean today? yes
How have I acted differently?um, I was in old behavior most of the day
Did my disease run my life today? If so, how? Yes. Obsessive, compulsive, insecure, manipulative
What did I do today that I wish I had not done? Eaten so much
What have I left undone that I wish I had done? I got a lot done actually.
Was I good to myself today? How? Yes. I took care of my business. Feels good to do this.
Was today a good day? Yes and no.
Was I happy? At times
Was I serene? After eating all that junk, I was high. It felt serene sleeping thereafter.

Just for today, I will have faith in someone in NA who believes in me and wants to help me in my recovery.
Did I talk to my sponsor today? why yes I did
Did I attend a meeting today? If yes, where? no
Did I share my experiences, strengths and hopes? yes
Who are the people in my life that I trust today? I never write my sponsor’s name, but I trust her 110%. Maryam Paola and I’m getting to trust Helen.
Who has trust in me today? home group members

Just for today, I will have a program. I will try to follow it to the best of my ability.

Did I read from our literature today?no. Forgot to read JFT
What steps did I consciously work? 12666666661012
Did I admit my powerlessness today? Yes
Was I able to put my trust in my Higher Power today? At times
What did I learn about myself today? I have a lot of fear
Did I make any amends today? No
Do I owe any? No
Did I admit fault to anyone today? Yes
Did I worry about yesterday or tomorrow? So fecking much it made me sick.
Can I accept myself as I am today? Not my fat or fear

Just for today, through NA, I will try to get a better perspective on my life.
Did I feel like I was a part of humanity today? yes
Did I allow myself to become obsessed by anything today?yes, my residency, boy, fear
What has God given me to be grateful for today? Friends, family, money in the bank
Have I done anything to cause harm to myself or to another today? If so, what? Yes, boy. Manipulation
Am I willing to change today? Yes
Did I pray or meditate today? for like a second
How did this affect my life? I fell into fear
What spiritual principles have I been able to practice in my life today? Not many.
Was the most important thing in my life today staying clean? I was too depressed to think of anything but fear.

Just for today, I will be unafraid. My thoughts will be on my new associations, people who are not using and have found a new way of life. So long as I follow that way, I have nothing to fear.

Have I given of myself today without expecting anything in return? yes
Was there fear in my life today? yes!
Did I feel intense joy or pain? joy
Did I call or visit someone in the program today? yes
Did I pray for the well-being of another today? I will
Was I happy today? at times
Have I been peaceful today? at times
Did I consciously remember that I have a choice today?I have a choice.

Day 11 (May 20)

Preface:

Oh my God, I am so fecking tired. I have been lax about work. It’s the last week and I am tired of it. When I came home from school today, I slept for two glorious hours. Then I swam for 40 minutes. But I didn’t have time for any of this. I needed to edit two exams. Man, teachers do not know how to format a word document AT ALL. 90% of what I do is fix formatting. Anyhow, I am in a weird head space. Hungry, lonely and tired. Not angry though so I guess I am 3/4 ok.

God, show me what I have done right and wrong today.

Show me how I can better live and serve your will tomorrow.

Just for today, my thoughts will be on my recovery, living and enjoying life without the use of drugs.

Am I clean today? YES

How have I acted differently? I EXERCISED WHEN I WANTED TO EAT.

Did my disease run my life today? If so, how? NO

What did I do today that I wish I had not done? SLEPT SO LONG. BUT IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL

What have I left undone that I wish I had done? ALL THIS WORK

Was I good to myself today? How? YES. I EXERCISED AND I HAD LUNCH WITH A FRIEND

Was today a good day? YES

Was I happy? YES

Was I serene? SOMETIMES

Just for today, I will have faith in someone in NA who believes in me and wants to help me in my recovery.

Did I talk to my sponsor today? NO

Did I attend a meeting today? If yes, where? NO

Did I share my experiences, strengths and hopes? YES

Who are the people in my life that I trust today? THE SAME 3 PEOPLE

Who has trust in me today? A LOT OF PEOPLE

Just for today, I will have a program. I will try to follow it to the best of my ability.

Did I read from our literature today? YES

What steps did I consciously work? 12379101112

Did I admit my powerlessness today? YES

Was I able to put my trust in my Higher Power today? SORT OF

What did I learn about myself today? I HATE AUTHORITY AND CONFRONTATIONS

Did I make any amends today? YES

Do I owe any? YES

Did I admit fault to anyone today? ALWAYS

Did I worry about yesterday or tomorrow? ALWAYS

Can I accept myself as I am today? YES AND NO

 

Just for today, through NA, I will try to get a better perspective on my life.

Did I feel like I was a part of humanity today? YES

Did I allow myself to become obsessed by anything today? YES.

What has God given me to be grateful for today? FRIENDS, FAMILY, RATIONALITY

Have I done anything to cause harm to myself or to another today? If so, what? DOES NEGATIVE THINKING COUNT?

Am I willing to change today? YES.

Did I pray or meditate today? YES.

How did this affect my life? I WAS CALM FOR A SECOND

What spiritual principles have I been able to practice in my life today? HONESTY, WILLINGNESS

Was the most important thing in my life today staying clean? THE MOST IMPORTANT THING WAS GETTING THINGS DONE.

 

Just for today, I will be unafraid. My thoughts will be on my new associations, people who are not using and have found a new way of life. So long as I follow that way, I have nothing to fear.

Have I given of myself today without expecting anything in return? YES.

Was there fear in my life today? YES. DEALING WITH MY BOSS. DEALING WITH SOME NA MEMBERS.

Did I feel intense joy or pain? NO

Did I call or visit someone in the program today? YES.

Did I pray for the well-being of another today? I WILL

Was I happy today? YES

Have I been peaceful today? AT TIMES

Did I consciously remember that I have a choice today? I HAVE A CHOICE.

 

 

Day 10 (May 19)

God, show me what I have done right and wrong today.
Show me how I can better live and serve your will tomorrow.
Just for today, my thoughts will be on my recovery, living and enjoying life without the use of drugs.

Am I clean today? yes
How have I acted differently? I did what I planned to.
Did my disease run my life today? If so, how? only obsessing on boy.
What did I do today that I wish I had not done? ate the French toast
What have I left undone that I wish I had done? Usual house chores and some work stuff.
Was I good to myself today? How? Yes. I just became one with the beach. Fabulous.
Was today a good day? Awesome
Was I happy? Irritable
Was I serene? On beach
Just for today, I will have faith in someone in NA who believes in me and wants to help me in my recovery.

Did I talk to my sponsor today? no
Did I attend a meeting today? If yes, where? no
Did I share my experiences, strengths and hopes? not with NA member but with friend
Who are the people in my life that I trust today? Paola Maryam etc
Who has trust in me today? a lot of people

Just for today, I will have a program. I will try to follow it to the best of my ability.

Did I read from our literature today? yes
What steps did I consciously work? 123710
Did I admit my powerlessness today? Not over food
Was I able to put my trust in my Higher Power today? Yes
What did I learn about myself today? I am friendly
Did I make any amends today? No
Do I owe any? Not with the people around me.
Did I admit fault to anyone today? Yes. Gas station attendant. I almost ran out of gas, which was totally my fault.
Did I worry about yesterday or tomorrow? Always
Can I accept myself as I am today? Parts

Just for today, through NA, I will try to get a better perspective on my life.

Did I feel like I was a part of humanity today? yes
Did I allow myself to become obsessed by anything today? yes. Boy, work, life
What has God given me to be grateful for today? New body, cash, job, friends, crazy kid
Have I done anything to cause harm to myself or to another today? If so, what? Ate too much, obsessed on negative, irritable with jaden
Am I willing to change today? Yes
Did I pray or meditate today? no
How did this affect my life?I’m not centered.
What spiritual principles have I been able to practice in my life today? Self-love, willingness
Was the most important thing in my life today staying clean? No, but I am

Just for today, I will be unafraid. My thoughts will be on my new associations, people who are not using and have found a new way of life. So long as I follow that way, I have nothing to fear.

Have I given of myself today without expecting anything in return? Hmmm, yes! I gave the little girl these cute glasses.
Was there fear in my life today? yes. Why so much fucking fear? I carry it around like a god damn purse
Did I feel intense joy or pain? No
Did I call or visit someone in the program today? yes
Did I pray for the well-being of another today? I will when I sleep
Was I happy today? on the beach in the sand
Have I been peaceful today? yes. On beach
Did I consciously remember that I have a choice today? No, but I know this unconsciously.

Day 9 (May 18)

God, show me what I have done right and wrong today.

Show me how I can better live and serve your will tomorrow.

Just for today, my thoughts will be on my recovery, living and enjoying life without the use of drugs.

Am I clean today? YES

How have I acted differently? I WENT TO A MEETING, AN AA MEETING!

Did my disease run my life today? If so, how? NO

What did I do today that I wish I had not done? SLEPT SO LONG

What have I left undone that I wish I had done? USUAL HOUSEHOLD CHORES

Was I good to myself today? How? I WENT TO BEACH CLEAN-UP. WENT BIRD-WATCHING!

Was today a good day? YES.

Was I happy? YES.

Was I serene? YES. THERE WERE A FEW MINUTES SITTING BY A BUSH WAITING TO CATCH A GLIMPSE OF THAT ODD BIRD.

Just for today, I will have faith in someone in NA who believes in me and wants to help me in my recovery.

Did I talk to my sponsor today? NO, BUT I READ HER FB POST. DOES THAT COUNT?

Did I attend a meeting today? If yes, where? WHY, YES I DID. AA.

Did I share my experiences, strengths and hopes? YES, I DID. I SUGGESTED THE TOPIC OF GIFTS AND MIRACLES IN RECOVERY.

Who are the people in my life that I trust today? I KNOW WHO I DON’T TRUST. THIS QUESTION CONTINUALLY MAKES ME THINK OF ALL THE PEOPLE WHO I WON’T SAY I TRUST. WHY IS THAT.

Who has trust in me today? A LOT OF PEOPLE.

Just for today, I will have a program. I will try to follow it to the best of my ability.

Did I read from our literature today? YES.

What steps did I consciously work? 12379101112

Did I admit my powerlessness today? YES

Was I able to put my trust in my Higher Power today? YES

What did I learn about myself today? I CAN BE CALM.

Did I make any amends today? YES

Do I owe any? YES

Did I admit fault to anyone today? ALWAYS

Did I worry about yesterday or tomorrow? YES, ALWAYS

Can I accept myself as I am today? I AM SOMEWHAT SATISFIED WITH MYSELF. BUT I WOULD LIKE TO CHANGE A FEW THINGS.

Just for today, through NA, I will try to get a better perspective on my life.

Did I feel like I was a part of humanity today? YES.

Did I allow myself to become obsessed by anything today? YES. I FEAR OUR NA GROUP MAY HAVE FUTURE PROBLEMS WITH PERSONALITIES NOW THAT IT IS GROWING

What has God given me to be grateful for today? FRIENDS

Have I done anything to cause harm to myself or to another today? If so, what? ATE CRAP

Am I willing to change today? YES

Did I pray or meditate today? YES, AS A MATTER OF FACT, I DID.

How did this affect my life? I WAS CALM FOR A LITTLE BIT

What spiritual principles have I been able to practice in my life today? HONESTY, WILLINGNESS, INTEGRITY, COMPASSION, PATIENCE, LOVE

Was the most important thing in my life today staying clean? I JUST AM CLEAN

 

Just for today, I will be unafraid. My thoughts will be on my new associations, people who are not using and have found a new way of life. So long as I follow that way, I have nothing to fear.

Have I given of myself today without expecting anything in return? YES

Was there fear in my life today? YES, AROUND PERSONALITIES

Did I feel intense joy or pain? I DON’T REMEMBER. PAIN NO, BUT JOY, THERE WAS THAT.

Did I call or visit someone in the program today? YES.

Did I pray for the well-being of another today? I WILL WHEN I GO TO SLEEP.

Was I happy today? YES.

Have I been peaceful today? YES

Did I consciously remember that I have a choice today? I JUST AM.

 

 

Day 8 (May 17)

Miracles happen

God, show me what I have done right and wrong today.
Show me how I can better live and serve your will tomorrow.
Just for today, my thoughts will be on my recovery, living and enjoying life without the use of drugs.

Am I clean today? Yes
How have I acted differently? Stayed with the plan.
Did my disease run my life today? If so, how? No
What did I do today that I wish I had not done? I still talk too much
What have I left undone that I wish I had done? General cleaning, civil ID!
Was I good to myself today? How? Yes. Ate good, ran far, did laundry, enjoyed sofa, sat with new comer w/o jumping on him.
Was today a good day? Yes
Was I happy? Yes
Was I serene? Somewhat

Just for today, I will have faith in someone in NA who believes in me and wants to help me in my recovery.

Did I talk to my sponsor today? No, but I looked for her online.
Did I attend a meeting today? If yes, where? No
Did I share my experiences, strengths and hopes? Yes.
Who are the people in my life that I trust today? Friends
Who has trust in me today? Jaden, Maryam, Tahani, Silvana, Paola

Just for today, I will have a program. I will try to follow it to the best of my ability.

Did I read from our literature today? Yes
What steps did I consciously work? 123710
Did I admit my powerlessness today? I am
Was I able to put my trust in my Higher Power today? A little more than normal
What did I learn about myself today? I am fallible, and that’s ok. I am very jealous
Did I make any amends today? No
Do I owe any? No
Did I admit fault to anyone today? Always
Did I worry about yesterday or tomorrow? Always
Can I accept myself as I am today? Fully?

Just for today, through NA, I will try to get a better perspective on my life.

Did I feel like I was a part of humanity today? Yes
Did I allow myself to become obsessed by anything today? Work
What has God given me to be grateful for today? So freaking much!
Have I done anything to cause harm to myself or to another today? If so, what? Ran in a lightning storm!
Am I willing to change today? Yes, please yes change me!
Did I pray or meditate today? not formally
How did this affect my life? I walk in fear
What spiritual principles have I been able to practice in my life today? Hope, compassion
Was the most important thing in my life today staying clean? I just do it.my

Just for today, I will be unafraid. My thoughts will be on my new associations, people who are not using and have found a new way of life. So long as I follow that way, I have nothing to fear.

Have I given of myself today without expecting anything in return? Yes
Was there fear in my life today? Yes, future
Did I feel intense joy or pain? Pain while running
Did I call or visit someone in the program today? Yes
Did I pray for the well-being of another today? Yes, my brother!
Was I happy today? Yes, mostly
Have I been peaceful today? At times
Did I consciously remember that I have a choice today? I just am